bobbydaham

04:32 pm: Anna
Anna, if you happen to read this before it happens..I got held back a day shipping off. My idiot recruiter forgot my E-3 paper work so I'm being held an extra night here in boston, I'm in room 340, do what you did last night and call me again. Call me around 9 at night, I'll be in my room. I love you...I miss you already.

11:51 am: Anna
I love you...

03:19 pm: 2 weeks left and she throws me away...what about being understanding in the fact that I'm leaving my entire life behind...I've spent the last year and a half with her, exclusively...I have family and friends too...2 weeks left and you toss me out...thank you. I'm leaving everything behind me...not just you...It's sad that you can't understand that...or just choose not to, ignorance is bliss. Maybe it's just me, but it's a little nerve racking to have 13 days left...leaving everything you knew behind and starting a completely different life...whatever, tossed out like garbage...I know I didn't spend alot of time with you...but damn, think about the situation I'm in...but that's how you wanna play it...fine.

12:16 am: I'm raiding a house in Iraq in search of the leader of one of the divisions of Al-Sadir's insurgencies. It's about 2:30 in the morning and we kick the door down, and start raiding the house. People wake up screaming as they see these American strangers ravage their house looking for this man. While they're raiding the downstairs, I take the liberty to make my way upstairs. Ascending up into a hallway, there are 3 doors, 2 on the left. The order goes as such. From near to far, left, right, left. I open the first one, nothing, move to the second, nothing, then to the third, but it's locked. I wind up, take a step back, then foward, and kick it down. Surprised by this man we're looking for, he knocks my M4 out of my hand and cuts my arm with his knife during a random flailing of his arm, trying to hurt me. As he coems at me a second time I grab the hand in which the knife is in, twist his wrist to his side, unsheath my knife from the holster strapped to my chest, and lunge it into his neck. His eyes become lifeless, his knife drops to the floor, as does he. He lies there on the floor, twitching for a few minutes, as I stand above him watching him...then it ends. That's the dream I've been having for the past month or so...Not the same thing every time, but that one's been there more then a few times. The deadlines's creeping up...I'm just glad I'm not infantry. The odd thing is this dream doesn't bother me. It's an understanding that should a situation like that arise, given the circumstances, it's going to be him rather then me...and for me, that makes it ok. I'd rather go into this thing prepared then not...I'll separate myself from the rest...stand above them...be the better person, and be prepared..as they struggle through the psychological aspects of it. What the hell is this entry about anyway?

03:00 am: So...tonight was my last night at Al Forno. Put in 2 years into that place. And I can honestly say, it was worth it. It was a great place to work, even though it had it's bad sides every now and then, but past all that, the people there are great. The Best people to work with, had alot of fun with em. So anyway, tonight was my last night, after I got out of work, I asked sparky if I could have a Rigatoni on the house for my 2 years of service, he said yes. Which was only to be expected, I mean cmon...they can spare one rigatoni.. Then I asked for a caesar salad befor ethat, but he said I'd have to pay 50% of it, just to have something on the check, so I agreed. It was reasonable. So I finish the caesar and the Rigatoni, sparky comes over and pays my bill for me, which was just awesome, I wasn't expecting it at all. I was completely fine with paying it, he didn't have to. He said he's gonna miss me and that I'm one of the best employees to ever work at al Forno. Which was awesome, thanx for the compliment sparky. So then after work, I go home to change, the girls of al Forno are taking me out for drinks at XO, a place on north main st. Which was awesome...I'm kinda drunk from that while typing this by the way. Had alot of good conversations with Phil and Alex while I was there. They're awesome people...I'm such a reserved person, and hardly ever talk, I dont understand why I talk so freely under the influence of something...anywho, I'm extremely tired, I'm going to bed, tonight was awesome, thanx for everyone ho contributed!

05:02 am: It's 5:02 by my clock...it's saturday morning and I can't sleep. For some reason I can't stop thinking about leaving this place. I've got a solid schedule of what I'm doing for the next 3 weeks straight. And to tell you the truth, I dont like it. 3 weeks of doing what's planned. Granted it's all fun things, and I'm going to love it. But as of right now...I have 6 weeks left here. EXACTLY 6 WEEKS. After the 3 weeks of doing all this stuff, I get some me time. Lets see, tommorow I leave for Prudence Island for a week, then I get back and leave the same day for a vacation with Anna down to Misquamicut, which will be our second trip down there. Which is awesome, a yearly trip, lol. It was just our year and a half anniversary, which was awesome. Anywho...so I leave for that from the 14th to most likely the 18th, get back from that, and then leave for my yearly hiking trip with my uncle the same day up to New Hampshaire, Mount Adams AND Washington this year. We're gonna do a day hike to the summit of Washington the first day. No packs or anything so I'll blaze up that one. Then we're going up Adams with packs the next day and staying a Craig camp like we usually do. I love that place. I wouldn't pass that trip up for anything. On top of that I have to work in my going away party. Yea, that's right, I have to plan my own going away party because my own parents dont take the initiative when they should. So after THAT, I leave with Mike, Chris, and John for a roadtrip down to Myrtle beach, South Carolina, which is gonna be awesome! Then it's finally over, 3 weeks of planned shit will be over and I can relax before I leave to start my life...which honestly, as the deadline creeps up on me, is starting to get a little nerve racking. I can't wait to do it though. On top of all that planning for everything, I've been thinking about the future both in terms of how fast I'll make it, which I'll work my ass off for..to make officer in the first 4 years that is. I want that so fucking bad...and in terms of a secure future financially. Which I have mapped out pretty well so far. As long as I dont get distracted. So to sum this entry up...My mind is in a million different places, and it wont stop. This has been happening every night for the past 3 weeks. Same thing, I always claimed I "didn't know why" it's happening. But I'm just under a lot of stress I suppose. Which is completely normal in this situation if you think about it...isn't it?

05:41 pm: Gerry's going away party was last night, it was cool, alot of people were there. The people who mattered were there. He gave a speech at the KofC that was pretty emotional. Mike, Chris, John and myself got him a 3 bladed shuriken from the movie blade 2. He liked it. The thing kicked ass, I have to admit. Almost everyone there got drunk, haha. It was good tha we designated the drivers first...I ripped my middle fingernail opening a bottle of beer for Anna. It was ironic. I had told her she'd had enough, but she insisted, and couldn't get it open, so I offered to open it for her, lol. The thing slipped, caught my fingernail, and there you have it. It was bleeding alot, I should've let it drip in a vile for gerry, lol, damnit, that was the perfect chance and I just thought of it...That was gonna be one of Gerry's gifts. Mike was gonna pick a scab or something and bleed into a vile for Gerry...Gerry's always trying to stab Mike and draw blood, so it would've meant alot to him, even it it was gross...I wonder what's goin through Gerry's mind right now. I mean, leaving in less then weeks...he's nervous as it is about it. But I'm sure he'll be alright. I've got less then 2 months now, off to Missouri for me! When we were shopping for Gerry's gift yesterday, I met a guy that had just gotten back from Iraq...Gave me a really good piece of advice, dont trust the Military issue body armor, go to a private company that makes a model called the T-1, 7.62mm thick opposed to the issued ones, which I'm not sure how thick they are, but I'm sure they're less then the T-1. It's about 600 dollars or the vest, but I'd definitely invest in that for the extra assurance...I tried telling Gerry that last night but he was too drunk to understand, lol, so I'll catch him later and talk to him about it....Yea, I dont know what I'm doing right now. Everything's almost surreal. I've seriously been so out of it lately. I keep expecting to wake up, but it doesn't happen...I just lost the drive to keep writing in this.

11:56 pm: as it all comes crashing down.





























be back next heartbreak.

10:47 pm: bordercolor=blue cellspacing=0 width=300px><tr><td bgcolor="white" align="center">NOTE: z</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="blue" align="center">No smoking around bobbydaham. Thankyou for your co-operation.</td></tr></table>

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good...i fucking hate smoke, it's disgusting

09:47 pm: still and breathless
sitting here...looking at the empty window, ready to type, ready to press enter after that...i want to so bad...i mean..its only a few words, i know we're not talking and everything, but shit...what if the call earlier was important and i missed it...You broke the rules...now I'll pull out all your pubic hair...I cant feel anything, I'm numb...I'm in this state of shock, I cant explain what it is...I cried so hard the other night...to the point where I was dry...to sleep. my wrist is still broken, lol...I keep expecting to wake up in the morning, and be able to just rip my cast off, play drums, do pushups, and just flail my hand around just because i can...but, i cant...everything lately feels like a dream, for the soul reason that i never thought it would happen, especially now...drumming left handed is improving, alot i must say. I think its great how i'm handicapped both physically and emotionally...i cant believe the window's still open...im still looking at it..FUCKING SHIT! STOP IT!